Gradually

Life is so great right now. I mean.... it's always has been great.

I have a new boyfriend, Aaron Hamilton. <3 We have soo much fun everyday at football practice. And at the games, we're so cute I swear. :) Football manager & football player. Who knew, right?

Sooo much fun, loving life right now <3 School, friends, family, football family, just everything.

Dyslexia at it's worst

I've been forgetting anything & everything lately.

First, I left my binder & my book out at the tables during lunch. It was club week, & I was chillin' at peoples booths, so I set down my stuff. Bell rang, I grabbed my hoodie & backpack, then dipped w/ out my books. Thank goodness Ashley was there, she saw my stuff & kept it for me. Dropped it off at my house later on that day.

The next day, we had a football game so I left ALL of my stuff in coaches office. Came back from the game that night, & the varsity coaches already went home. Along with the keys. So fuck me because I couldn't do any of my homework. I got it back the next morning though, just more weight on my shoulders though bc of all the books..

The day after THAT, it was still club week. I left my binder out there, once again. I left class to look around.. but none of my stuff was no where to be found. So I texted Jonathan, & he skipped his classes to look w/ me. Luckily we found it.

Then, I left my cardigan outside during lunch again. Stupid me

I seriously wish everyone knew what it was like to be dyslexic. Just little things like this just fucks up everything. Not even just these things, but things such as forgetting peoples names, confusing EVERYTHING together. There's just so much more to it. Words are scrambled up in my head everywhere. Not just words.. but letters, numbers, symbols, & things I can't even explain. I see things that are there.. but aren't really there..

Dyslexia affects me so much academically. Sometimes, even socially. But it's cool, because everyone accepts it. Some even think it's cute. Lol.

Well, you know what they say.

When life gives you melons, you have dyslexia.

Isolation

Sometimes all of the fame & popularity isn't what I want. Not at all. I never wanted all of this. It's nice, but all I want is something solid & something consistent. I know nothing lasts forever, but people aren't nothing & relationships can last forever.

I just want a solid relationship. No, not a boyfriend or lover. A friend, bestfriend, close friend, etc. Not those friends that only talk to me because I'm that one popular girl at school that wears expensive Hollister clothes & models for Abercrombie & Fitch. There is way more to me than that, trust. No one takes their time to really get to know me.

Because behind all of this expensive brand name clothing & cute assets, is a girl that no one really cares enough about to get to know.

---

And no, I am not your girl. It's cute how y'all are overprotective of me & stuff, but let me have my freedom, please? We never had a thing, & we never will if you keep doing this to me. All of you. Shoot, I might just go lesbian. I love you, but I love my freedom too. I'm not yours, I'm not theirs, I'm me. I do not belong to anyone. And don't make me choose between you & 10 other guys because I'll just end up choosing none of you. (Referring to last night) & No, I'm not being stubborn or being a loner. I shouldn't be forced to choose between the people I love.

I guess.. to every end there's a new beginning.

Let go, & let God.

I'm so tired...

People are always running to me with their problems. Don't you bitches know I have my own problems too?

Back again

I've been dying to let my feelings out lately. Haha. Tumblr really wasn't the place for that since lots of family & friends from school have my tumblr. I wanted something more secure to me & just something for me to look back at & read.

I hate how it all ended that way, but everything happens for a reason, right? I don't wanna sound cocky or anything, but I never hang out with girls anymore. I'm always around guys now, & it's not just because I joined the boys football team because before I did, guys were already all over me. I just never talked about it. So many of them like me. I don't even remember chilling with a girl last night. Besides Amber :)

I'm always with a big group of guys, if not, then just one guy. They all like me.. like like like me. And the bad part about that is, they're all bros & some are even cousins. Like whaaaaat the fuck?! If I choose to give a chance to one of them, then the rest are going to hate him. You know? 'Cause no one called dibs & etc. I don't know. I've had my eye on this one boy though. :) The rest of them just give me unnecessary attention that I don't want. Hell, most of them already have girlfriends. Why are you all up on my waste & kissing all up on me? Boy, you lucky your girl aint here to witness your ass being unfaithful. But anyways. I just don't want to get back into a relationship that fast. They never work out for me. And yes, I know I've had over 7 boyfriends but don't judge me because you don't know my stories yet. If I trust you enough, I'll tell you all about my past relationships boo.

I don't want to get back into a relationship, but yet I don't want to break anymore hearts. But in order to avoid a broken heart, I have to break hearts. Right?

Friends with benefits. Let's all just stick with that. No love, no clinging, no hurt feelings & no broken hearts. Just fucking around & having fun. Promo?